Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
