tell your sister to shave her snatch
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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