Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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