That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
