i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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