oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
