I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
