Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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