were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize