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so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize