whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
