i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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