Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
