I heard we made out
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
