i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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