I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
