You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
