i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
