me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
