Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
