It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
