I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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