Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize