He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
