My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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