I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
so much tequila, so little girl.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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