You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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