The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
