I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
