Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
