can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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