I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
