During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
