u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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