Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
