We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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