I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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