Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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