my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
