ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
