you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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