new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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