I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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