Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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