Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
