your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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