She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
