I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
