so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
