I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
