Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
