well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
