So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
