drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
