you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
