If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize