I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
