WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
