the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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