I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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