Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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