I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
