Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize