Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
