Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
