You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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