Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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