Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
